Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
