I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
