i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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