you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
