These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No subtext here. People are naked.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
