Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
