Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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