2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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