To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You ruined the universe
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
