I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
