she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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