then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
