I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
