True but thats because hes a fetus.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
nutella sex= disaster
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
