to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
