I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dear god my vagina.
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