You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
