i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
