i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
