Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
