Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
