I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
