Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
