Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
