he thought i was a dude.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
