Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
