If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
