You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
