Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
