turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
