i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
God, I missed his penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
