im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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