Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
