Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
