guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
