dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize