O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
