Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
