Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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