my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize