he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
