Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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