doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
