It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
