I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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