After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
