I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
