We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
