you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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