We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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