my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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