Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
