How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
