This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
