Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
