So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize