so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
