I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
